Break Down

This song represents my journey in finding who I am. After being cyber-bullied three times in the last year I did not know exactly who I was. I hated myself for so many things that I could not change and I wondered why me everyday. I finally decided that maybe there weren't things I could change but I knew one thing I could find who I was on the inside. 

I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I knew I could be strong about it. I searched every bit of myself, helped others in ways I could and I spent more time with my family. 

I know my voice probably doesn't sound too good in this, but it's my journey and I would like to share my journey to find myself with all of you.

Thanks for listening!!!!

No Clue What To Do

Inside your head you think I am crazy,

But through out the last couple of years I haven’t been able to let you leave my mind.

It’s scary to think that our love is possibly and officially blind.

I know if I tell you what I feel deep down into my heart,

You may come to know that I am not ready to part.

What I can do about it,

I have no clue,

 But if I were to lose you,

I would forever be blue.

You are my everything,

The one thing I cannot live without.

I am under a spell,

A spell that makes my heart want to start flying about.

I wish you knew that I am not me without you by my side,

But you aren’t ready to let go of her

 And that is reasonable through my eyes.

She doesn’t deserve a man like you

If she cannot see,

The gentleman you have and always will be.

Everyday I’ll wait for you

Until you really see,

That I am right here waiting for you to come towards me.

I wish you literally understood,

How I truly feel.

But my feelings for you will never come true     

Until I tell them to you.

Why Explain?

What is wrong with people these days? Isn't it enough that I have been cyber-bullied twice now. What are you trying to accomplish by hacking someone else's  profile and posting things that are inappropriate and outrageously rude? You are only accomplishing the fact that you hurt someone and possibly ruined their image at school, home, church, basically everywhere. Thanks for that( Not ). I may not be the kind of person to say something about what you just did, but you just crushed the one thing that helped keep my life together. That's right my heart. Now next time why don't you choose the right thing to do, instead of choosing to ruin someone else's reputation and their life. Get your act together and stop acting foolish. Get it! Got it! Good! Cause I'm done trying to explain it to someone with your kind of ignorance.

School Newspaper Story

Well I submitted my cyber-bully story to our school newspaper and the staff really enjoyed it (I hope that's just what Mr. Peacock stated, not sure if its true). But I'd like to share my submission with you all. I did take parts of my blog and put them in there. Yes some changes have been made to them and they are shortened, but it is a very good story. Please read it and tell me what you think.

Cyber-bullying: My Story

By Sydney Lee

I am a sixteen-year-old girl in high school and I am a victim of cyber-bullying. Cyber-bullying is the act of abusing another through the use of web-related sources or communication. These sources include social networking sites such as Facebook, Twitter, Blogs, etc. No matter where you go there will always be bullies who will take advantage of these websites. It is said to be one of the major issues facing the world today.

In a poll done by Ipsos, it has been said that twelve percent of the worldwide teen population have experienced cyber-bullying in their lives. Nearly one in ten children have experienced it around the world. Statistics today state that bullying victims are two to nine times more likely to commit suicide or attempt it than those who don’t experience bullying. Twenty-five percent of kids don’t tell anyone about being bullied. Kids who are overweight or obese are sixty-three percent more likely to be bulling. In the end, thirty-nine percent of all social network users experience cyber-bullying at least once in their lifetime.

It’s been a little over a year since I was first in this situation and I personally know how most of these teens feel. You never assume the worst of things unless this has happened to you. I started assuming it was my fault or I put myself in that situation and I had no way out. Now I know that isn’t true. There is always a way out and suicide is never the answer.

After sophomore year started last August, I began to blog about world related issues we see today. I never try to comment negatively on them. I try to touch positively so I can help others who are affected by them. I hope that as you read this you will be able to see a way out if you are ever in a situation like this one.

My Cyber-bully Review blogged March 2, 2012

Today in time cyber-bullying has become a problem in society. It tears down elementary students, teens and sometimes-even adults. The effects are very crucial for everyone. I know that when it happens to us we don’t know what to do, who to talk to, or where we can go. Talk to a friend, a parent, and/or someone you trust. If it’s a text, email, whatever, save the evidence and don’t reply back to whoever sent it. Report and block the person, get off the website or change your profile (meaning get a new one) and don’t let them keep getting to you.

I’m not just saying this because it’s going on around the world, but because I have been through it myself. But hiding behind it isn’t what makes you who you are striving to be, for me its letting go (as in not letting it get to me, even when I wanted it to) and working around it. People don’t see your potential and they won’t until you have reached to higher places. Strive to be the better person you know you are and who you can become. Take the chance to live freely, not hide. Move around, change lives, become great, even successful and just live! Motivate change! Do things that lift you up, not tear you down. Do what you love, not what makes you unhappy.

Right after my first experience, I wasn’t a happy high schooler. I may have looked like one on the outside, but on the inside I was miserable. I always doubted the good things I did, I slumped over when I walked, and I hid behind my clothes. I layered myself in misery instead of self-confidence. But for me suicide was never the answer to get rid of it. 

Cyber-bullying From My Experience blogged July 20, 2012

I have been there, on the other side of the screen, humiliated by another, and hurt from the inside out. As a victim of cyber-bullying I have learned that no matter what bullies say, it’s up to you on how well you deal with the situation.

After the first time, I realized it wasn’t my fault it happened. It was their choice, their doing.  I had thought to myself, maybe I had done something that got me into this or I just wasn’t someone’s favorite person. None of that was ever true.

After the second time around, it just wasn’t worth it to care. I may have struggled with my self-esteem and walked with my head down in the school hallways, and though that was who I was for a short period of time, I still had a chance to change who I was. In the end I gave myself a motto.

            “You may say hurtful, deceiving words that may make my heart ache and tears fall from my eyes, but I am strong. I will make it through my life and make something big out of myself.”

            I know that there is someone to comfort us in our times of need. No matter how big or small the situation is. I have learned so much about myself after all I have been through. And I have been able to choose who I want to become in my life. This has helped me to know who I am and hold my head up high when I walk. I know that this was something that I was meant to go through to learn to treat myself with respect and help gain respect from others.

           

            Best thing to tell yourself is it isn’t your fault. Don’t think the worst, it does not help anything. Think positively and stay true to yourself. It’s better that way.

Cyber-bullies: Affecting others and changing lives for the worst blogged August 4, 2012

Cyber-bullies pick on others who are confident in who they are, what they believe in or even just how great their life is going. They think that since life isn’t going well for them that it’s easier to pick on others. By tearing down another individual they can raise their own self-esteem and ruin the self-esteem of another.

            Just like Taylor in the movie Cyber-Bully, it can happen to anyone. If you haven’t seen it, I encourage you to watch it. It has helped me and I hope many others out there who have been in this same situation.

            If you have been cyber-bullied, stand up for who you are. You are someone! You should be treated with respect just like everyone else in this world. It doesn’t matter what you look like or whether you dress like everyone else, you deserve to be treated right. No matter what people think of you, you are human and you’re just like everyone else.

            In the end, no matter what you do in life there will always be someone out there who is struggling in this area. Be courteous in standing up for them. Make the decision to change the problem society and the world have set this out to be. Can you be the one to change the life of another for good? If so motivate change to a higher extent.

Cyberbullies: Affecting Others and Changing Lives For The Worst

Cyberbullies/ Bullies pick on others who are confident in who they are, what they believe in or even just how great their life is going. Bullies think that since their own life isn't going so fantastic, they can pick on others. By tearing down another individual they can raise their own self-esteem and ruin the self-esteem of another.

Just like Taylor, it can happen to anyone.  If you haven't seen this movie, watch it. It has helped me and I hope a ton of other guys and girls out there who have been in this situation.
If you have been bullied or cyberbullied stand up for who you are. You are someone! You should be treated with respect. Just like everyone else in this world, you are a human being. Doesn't matter whether you look exactly like everyone else or dress exactly the same. You are someone! Someone who deserves to be treated right.

Cyber-bullying from my experience....

I have been there, on the other side of the screen, humiliated by another, and hurt from the inside out. As a victim of cyber-bullying, I have learned that no matter what bullies say, it's up to you onhow well you deal with the situation.
After the first time I realized that it wasn't my fault it happened at all. It was their own doing. I had thought maybe I had done something which may have gotten me into this mess or maybe i just wasn't someone's favorite person.
After the second time it just wasn't worth it to care. I may have struggled with my self-esteem and walked with my head down in the school hallways, but even though that was who I was for that short period of time, I still had a chance to change who i was. So I gave myself a motto.
"You know I may look fat to you, but to God I am beautiful and perfect in my own way. You may say hurtful, deceiving words that may make my heart ache and tears fall from my eyes, but I am strong and I will make it through my life and make something big out of myself."
I know that God is there to comfort us in our times of need. No matter how big or small the situation is. I have learned so much about myself after all i have been through. And I have been able to choose who I want to become in my life. This has helped me to know who I am and hold my head up high when I walk.
I know now that this was something that was meant to happen to me to learn to treat myself with respect and help gain respect from others.

Meaning of Love

Noun: An intense feeling of deep affection.
Verb: Feel a deep attachment to someone
Synonyms:

noun.  affection - fondness - darling - passion

verb.  like - be fond of - fancy - adore

 

Love is something you can't explain in words. It's a feeling of great excitement. A rush of affection. A true passion or attachment for someone else.

My summer so far(not like it's anything great)

Well school has been out for a week now and so far not what I expected. I thought summer was supposed to be fun. Full of excitement, hanging out with friends, and just having an all out good time. But so far all I have done is gone on one date, watched my cousin graduate from Westlake High School, gone to my dad's graduation at the Maverik Center for his Master's degree, and visited my grandmother in Idaho Falls. I feel as though this summer will not be what I had in mind. My friends are out doing exciting things. They're on vacation, camping, hanging out with family and friends, and I'm doing nothing. I don't think I have hung out with anyone since my date. I feel like my friends just don't want to be around me and I guess that's okay, but I don't want to be stuck in the house all summer. What am I supposed to do? Nothing. I can't help what anyone does. All I can do is help what I do.

High School Is Almost Over!

Well I can't believe it. I started high school last year as a freshman. I was very afraid to meet new people and be in a bigger school. I honestly didn't know how I would react to the new environment. But I made it through two years already. Can you believe it? I can't....its crazy! I have junior year next year and then SENIOR year! I'm scaring my own parents. To them it is like I am still in Kindergarten. Sorry Mom and Dad I'm growing up. Time has gone by too fast.

Permission

Verse 1: I'm coming faster and every minute starts to count. I'm breaking past you and I can't hear the sound. I don't think I'm breathing anymore.------->
Chorus: I can't take my time to figure you out------>
All you do when I'm with you is sit and pout. I can't take this crap any longer------->
You have no idea what you've put me through. Now I'm done and I don't need your permission anymore.
Verse 2: If  I have to,  I'll wait all day. I'm not that small anymore and I can't fray away. But I'm breathing harder.------>
 Chorus: I can't take my time to figure you out------>
All you do when I'm with you is sit and pout. I can't take this crap any longer------->
You have no idea what you've put me through. Now I'm done and I don't need your permission anymore.
Ending: Take a step back because I'm leaving and I don't need your permission anymore.-------->


I feel like writing this song has really made and impact on my life. I used to care what others thought of me as an individual and then one day my Best Friend told me I shouldn't. Because when I do I let people change me as a person. I'm myself and that's who I want to be always.

Fashion

Ok one thing that gets to me is the fact that everyone "has" to dress the same. Well fashion is fashion no matter what you wear. Don't take offense when someone tells you what you are wearing is ugly. Because if its not ugly to you then why should you care.

My Life

Every chapter in my life is written by me. No one can tell me who I am to be. I know that sometimes we think that no matter what we do nothing seems to go just the way we plan it to. But it always turns out better than we thought it would. You can make your own story. Life is short so make it count.

Dance/ Change

What is dance? Dance is a form of communication between two people. Dance is also a feeling of emotion between you and the music. You have to feel the beat to know how your dance is to play out.
           "Don't wish it were easier;
             wish it were better."
            "Don't wish for less problems;
              wish for more skills."
             "Don't wish for less challenges;
               wish for more wisdom."
                  ~Jim Rohn

I think that quote shows how we need to act when a trial comes along when we dance or do anything else.
Don't wish for things that don't matter because in the long run you just need to work on what you can change that do matter.

Positive Friendship

Just as this young man pushed himself to help his friend participate in this triathlon, we need to push ourselves to be a friend. When you see someone who is having a rough day, give them a smile, a hug, even a kind word, or compliment. Every little thing you do makes a big difference to someone else. Be bigger and take the first step. Be a positive friend and help work through the struggles.

Cyberbullying Review

       Today in health we had a guest speaker come from Utah NetSmartz and one of the things he talked about in his power-point was the affect of cyber-bullying. Today in time there seems to be a lot more of it going on in society. It tears down elementary kids, teens and sometimes even adults. The affect of it is very crucial to everyone. I know that when it happens to us we don't really know what to do, who to go to or where we can go. Talk to a parent, a friend, and/or someone you trust. If its a text, email, whatever, save the evidence and don't reply back to whoever sent it. Report and block the person. Get off the website if you have to or change your profile(meaning get a new one). Don't let them keep getting to you.
        I'm not just saying this because it going on around the world, but because I have gone through it myself. But hiding behind it isn't what makes you who you are striving to be, for me it's letting it go(as in not letting it get to me, even if I really wanted it to) and working around it. People don't see your potential and they won't until you have reached to higher places. Strive to be the better person you know you are and who you can become. Take the chance to live freely, not hide. Move around, change lives, become great even successful and just live! Motivate change!
        No one can tell you that you aren't worth it to the world because everything you do now affects what happens in the future. Keep your head high. Keep your heart above your head and don't care about what others think. They are just a speck on your radar.
       Do things that will lift you up not tear you down. Exercise is a great way to build up your self-esteem. Do things you love not things that don't keep you happy.

Angels

Jamie: You know what I figured out today?
Landon: What?
Jamie: Maybe God has a bigger plan for me than I had for myself. Like this journey never ends. Like you were sent to me because I'm sick. To help me through all this. You're my angel.~ A Walk to Remember


Each and every one of us has an angel. They are here to guide, protect and love us though sometimes we can't see or talk to them. Remember not all angels are here in spirit but they are also here in person and they are always right in front of us.

Outsider

Verse 1: Taken down by the inner crowd and I'm falling------> I'm still falling--------> towards the ground.

Chorus: How do you know when you're losing it all? When will you see you are not that small? You're an outsider doing what you want. An outsider being over taught. You can't be blue cause you are something new. You're you!

Verse 2: Don"t allow yourself to get shaken up. Because no matter what you do, you are you-------->

Chorus: How do you know when you're losing it all? When will you see you are not that small? You're an outsider doing what you want. An outsider being over taught. You can't be blue cause you are something new. You're you!

Ending: I'm taken down by the inner crowd and I'm falling, falling to the ground.


I think this song is probably one of the ones i have written that has changed my life. I have been cyber bullied by others and this helps me know that no matter how small people may see me as, I am bigger in my own way. I can stand tall and keep my head high.

Truth

For every good reason there is to lie, there is a better reason to tell the truth.
Bo Bennett

Sometimes we think its better to make up a lie than tell someone the truth. The more we lie the bigger the issue is going to get. Tell the truth.

Honor to our Lord on High

Honor thy lord on high and he will honor you. He loves you with every bit of his heart.

Prayer

As a people of faith, we know that prayer is a powerful instrument. And as one Nation under God, we know that many times our most powerful tool is prayer.
Nick Rahall

 Prayer is the most powerful tool that keeps us in contact with our one true God. He answers your prayers all the time. Whether it takes a while or it takes 5 minutes. Just trust him. He is there for you and always will be.

Stronger

A chain is no stronger than its weakest link, and life is after all a chain.
William James


Be strong and ignore what others think. You are you and no one can change that.

Courage

Cowardly Lion: Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got?
Courage!


Sometimes being courageous isn't easy. We have to make the best out of a situation or nothing is going to turn out right. Be courageous. Stand up for yourself. Be you! And make a difference.

Easy Is Not Easy Enough

Sometimes life gives you trials and sometimes they are so hard to handle. Make the best out of life. No one said it was easy so easy is not easy enough.Be strong and live life.


Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men.
John F. Kennedy

Fear nor Hope

Fear cannot be without hope nor hope without fear.

~Baruch Spinoza 

Don't hide behind fear. It cannot run your world. Hope for the best, don't fear the future, and make the best out of every situation.

CyberBullying

Courage is fire, and bullying is smoke.
Benjamin Disraeli

Honestly how can someone be so cruel in one small sentence that creates a big deal. Can you all just leave your cruel words to yourself. I'm done with being your punching bag for your words and your strongly thrown punches. Leave me out of your life. You don't know me and you never will. Learn not to take someone down with something so hurtful and thoroughly unthought. 

Friends

A best friend is someone who can see the hurt in your eyes......when everyone else is fooled by your smile.
~Anonymous

Although I don't have a best friend doesn't mean that I still don't hurt too. I may fool you by my smile and look like nothing is wrong, doesn't mean my heart doesn't hurt cause it does. How about you figure out why I am my own best friend. Honestly those who don't see how others react after something horrible happens need to get some glasses and read the look on their faces. Learn to be a friend.

Not Failure, But Success

Never let the fear of striking out, keep you from playing the game.- A Cinderella Story

I think that sometimes we hide from the fear of our own failure because we don't see what failure is trying to lead us up to. Just cause we fall far from what we want to become doesn't mean we can't make it back to that potential that we used to be at. Don't hide from failure, Face it. Live up to your potential and become better.

Quote By Reba McEntire

For me, singing sad songs often has a way of healing a situation. It gets the hurt out in the open into the light, out of the darkness.

Reba McEntire

I believe what Reba says to be true. I have experienced it myself. And in time someone else will too.

Drama

Okay....so lately in my life there has been non-stop drama. I mean people there is no reason to cause so much drama in someone's life just to make you feel happy. Everything someone says, every little rumor, and all the lies are too much for my heart and my brain to handle. Honestly people get a life. Do something productive like ride a bike, play some sports, do something and stay out of everybody else' business. It's not worth it to lose a friendship over a rumor. And it surely isn't worth making up a rumor to start crap with someone you barely know. Be drama free by taking a stand and stopping it before it starts.

I Must Have Loved You Before by Tim Gates

Maybe we were flowers
soakin' up every ray of sun
to grow one inch closer
to one another.
Or maybe we were songbirds
flyin' high upon a wind,
and every night in the trees,
I'd sing you to sleep.
Whatever the truth is
one thing's for sure:

I've got a timeless place
for you in my heart.
How I could love you this much
I don't know.
But there's this ageless feelin'
that tells me more and more:
I must have loved you before.  

Maybe I was the ocean
and you were the sandy beach,
and every minute,
I was fallin' at your feet.
Maybe you were the moon, oooh, and I was just the dark
livin' in your sweet light, thankin' God i was where you are.
They say love is eternal, well, i guess they must be right.
Cause I've got a timeless place for you in my heart.
how I could love you this much, I don't know.
There's this ageless feelin' that tells me more and more:
I must have loved you before.

Whenever you kiss me,
well, it feels like comin' home.

I've got a timeless place for you in my heart.
How I could love you this much, baby, I don't know.
But there's this ageless feelin' that tells me more and more:
I must have loved you before.
There's this ageless feelin' that tells me more and more:
I must have loved you before.

I love this song because it shows the importance of finding someone who you have love before our time on earth while we were in the preexistence. It shows how you can care for someone so much and that you have a soul mate no matter what you believe.

Well for all my friends that know me, they know I am a dancer. I love to dance because I can feel the beauty in the music. I can always make the song personal to me when I am dancing.

Here is a quote I got from my dance studio. It doesn't have an author so for now its unknown.

I am a DANCER
I twirl, leap, and spin
I jump, pirouette, and tap.

I am a DANCER
I feel pain and fear
I feel defeat and failure
Yet I keep going.

I smile, I practice, I perform
I have grace and beauty.

I do not DANCE because I am HAPPY
I am HAPPY because I DANCE.

Photos that I have taken me that inspire my life

These each inspire my life in different ways.
Between the beauty of music, nature, or photography in general. I hope that they will be a huge comfort for me in my life to come.

Torn Apart

Verse 1: You say you love me and get me something. Then you go and turn your heart away. When did this change? How do you feel? Is there something you're not telling me? Because I'm being pushed away----->
Chorus: I call you to see how you are but you never pick up. I'm sent straight to voice mail. When did your heart change? When were you going to tell me? Because you're tearing me apart making me so upset. All I'm trying to do is talk to you, I'm being torn apart by you.
Verse 2: Tell me where you went. What you've done? Have you thought of me or am I wrong? Call me back and tell me to leave you alone cause right now I'm on my own------->
 Chorus: I call you to see how you are but you never pick up. I'm sent straight to voice mail. When did your heart change? When were you going to tell me? Because you're tearing me apart making me so upset. All I'm trying to do is talk to you, I'm being torn apart by you.
Ending: I'm so torn apart stop keeping me guessing and tell me why I'm wrong.


This song is about a guy that I seemed to be falling for. I never realized how much he meant to me before I lost him and that was devastating to me. I know that sometimes we struggle with love and that sometimes it comes easily to us and then leaves just as easy, but sticking through the pain is all we have to do even if it kills us to know that we will never get that love back. I know that one day I will find someone who will treat me more than I have been treated before. I know that someone is out there waiting to find their one true love and I know for sure I will be able to find mine.